I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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