We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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