I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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