I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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