just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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