kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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