careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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