Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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