I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
