4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
