I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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