I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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