So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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