I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
