I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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