break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
