It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize