we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
