My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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