so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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