12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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