I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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