so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
