I have demons in me.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize