You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
