i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
