he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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