weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
