How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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