if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
