I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
