Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
