forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize