Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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