Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
