Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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