Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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