I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
