Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
