what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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