i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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