she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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