I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
