i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
