I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just had sex on a roof
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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