Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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