All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
