she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
