you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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