I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do herpes really smell.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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