I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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