It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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