Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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