Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
