also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
