I want to have your abortion
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
