Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
