Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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