...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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