I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
