yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
