Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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