It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
