the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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