We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need water and some morals
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
