Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
