Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just google imaged poop.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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