why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
