3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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