I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize